Dear Cat;

I know you think that my security badge is just, like, the coolest kitten toy ever. I know that. When I think like a cat, I can even see the appeal. It’s lightweight enough that you can flip it into the air and the edges are probably good to bite on, especially important since you are teething.

I also realize that you would like it if I stayed home from work more often so we could have lots of playtime with your squeaky mousey and more cuddles.

However, as much as I understand your position, I will need you to not hide my work badge behind the cushion and the back of the sofa, okay? If I don’t go to work, I don’t make money to pay for the house you live in and your cat food. Oh, and treats. You would like to keep receiving treats, yes?

Please to be leaving my badge alone. It is not a toy. Not EVERYTHING I own is a cat toy. This also includes my engagement ring, my not-empty birth control package and my clothing. Incidentally, when you are hanging out in the closet, please quit swatting at the bottom of my tops.