There is only one question so stupid that it makes me mentally check out from work early.  I was asked it around 3pm yesterday and have already heard it this morning.  It’s not even 9am here. 

Surely you’ve heard that old “there are no stupid questions…” line, right?  Well, I’m here to tell you that that is completely untrue.  There IS a question so stupid that, if uttered en masse during a global candlelight vigil, it could destroy the world. 

That question, for my job, is: “So, that application?  The workers’ compensation agreement?  Am I really going to have get that for EVERY insured?  And does the insured really have to sign it?”

I know, it sounds like more than one question.  It’s really one huge clusterfuck (pardon my French, thank you) of stupid.  I ask you, is it not normal to have to get a contract before one gets any sort of insurance?  Is it somehow odd that we require something with an insured’s signature which says they agree to our terms and conditions and do, in fact, desire coverage?  Why does it come as some huge surprise to our agents that yes, we will actually refuse to renew your policy if we never receive that document?  Why do I have to spend my days listening to men and women older than me whine about how they shouldn’t have to do this?  Why do I have to make sympathetic noises into the phone? 

This is the future.  My future.  Where’s my jetpack?  Where’s my food in pill form?  Where’s my book deal?  My seven-picture deal?  My multiple cover shoots a year deal?  Where’s the jetsetting lifestyle I always daydreamed about?  Where’s my personal droid?  Why am I not flying from regattas to horse races to Wimbledon?  Why, in my fantasies, am I always English, French or Italian rather than American? 

Oh right.  This is REAL life.  I’ll go back to school, keep working, try desperately to catch a break and hope to God the apocalypse doesn’t come before I make it, whatever it is.  Either way, tomorrow I get to go out and pretend to be sophisticated with my wonderful boy.  That’s more than most people ever get, I suppose.

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