This is just a little note to my agents.  My awful, infuriating, idiotic agents. 

My alter-ego is a mischievous, magical imp!  You were right!  How on earth did you ever blow my cover?  You NEVER screw up.  Everything you type into our online application is perfectly correct.  You always choose the correct payment plan.  You always select the right entity type.  You always remember whether or not your officers are included or excluded. 

The secret behind why your policies are always screwed up?  Hmmm… let’s think for a minute here… IT’S ME.  Yes!  Of course!  That must be it!  It couldn’t possibly be the agent’s fault.  I choose whether or not to exclude officers based on whatever mood I’m in today.  I switch around your named insured and DBA… because I think it’s funny!  I sign you up for premium financing when you don’t want it.  I’m the one who sends you those annoying little reminders, just letting you know that you refuse to send in your documentation correctly. 

Collectively, my agents are as dumb as a box of rocks.  I actually have no idea what that little saying means.  But they really are.  Honestly, how hard is it to understand that we NEED the insured’s contact information for claims and audit purposes?  We can’t just put down the agency’s contact information and hope they talk to their insured — they NEVER communication with their insureds, as far as I can tell.  We NEED to know what payment plan you actually want — premium financing requires a few more steps on their end and they NEVER get those steps right even though they are given instructions at every point along the way.  Also, premium financing is something that has ALWAYS been part of their job. 

Also, I just LOVE having to submit endorsement requests all day, every day.  That’s just my very favourite thing to do.  For I am a mischievous, magical imp and this is what I do.

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