Might I take a moment of your time to be a little bit cranky about something? If not, stop reading, because I fully intend to be a little bit cranky about hair today.

Let’s ignore the fact that I was (and am), apparently, the weird-face champion. If possible, let’s also ignore the fact that I am one of those people who is totally recognizable from their little kid photos.

One more! Awwww, look at little-Alicia, she was SO cute. What on earth happened? WHERE DID YOU GO AND WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME HERE?

Anyway, can we just agree that, as a kid, I had awesome hair? Let’s agree because it’s true — all soft and shiny with gorgeous curls.

This is basically what it looks like now — a tiny bit longer, a tiny bit lighter.  I have yet to download a picture off my new camera as I haven’t loaded the new software.  Hair, seriously! Why have you forsaken me? We used to LOVE each other. We used to have so much fun together! Remember when I dyed you teal and purple? Remember all the times Morgan and I would stay up late at night, drinking and playing with our hair? Remember the luscious curls Troy used to be able to tease out of you? I remember and I mourn our past relationship.

See, hair, if you could just decide WHAT, exactly, you want to be, we could get along so much better. I would be able to figure out what to do with you if you would decide whether you want to be wavy, curly or straight. If I could tell whether I was going to wake up with a huge snarl at the base of my neck or if you’d be silky soft. If you were going to fall flat against my scalp or bounce up in an attempt at world domination. What’s going on, hair? Do you need some prozac? Should we go out for drinks and get wasted in an attempt to solve your mood crisis? Do I just need to baby you more? Weekly coconut oil masks? Should I just chop you all off and start over again even though the idea of me with a pixie cut sounds dreadful?

Oh, and because I am officially entering Casey’s contest (which, if I win would bump me up to the front of the line at Hair Thursday AND give me money to do something fabulous with my hair), here are pictures of me with horrible hair and me with awesome hair.

This is from the summer that I spent out in LA taking film classes. Apparently I felt the need to be blonde and have SERIOUSLY wispy hair. I’m sure I asked my stylist for that so I’m not blaming him at all. But really, half of my hair must have thinned out. And blonde with nearly black eyebrows?

The next is where I really get to embarass myself. I’m even hiding my face in shame in the pictures! If we can ignore the fact that I dressed horribly in high school, let’s look at that colour. I’ll admit that it looked awesome but the cut was awful and I don’t even want to think about the amount of bleach required to get my hair light enough to take those colours. Oh hair, now I’m starting to realize why you just can’t trust me anymore.

As a bonus, here’s an awful scan of a picture of my awkward phase. There aren’t many lying around and for good reason. I was a chubby 12 year old with awful hair. For my first professional haircut, I had been given something resembling a “Rachel”. Of course you all remember those. And bangs. And let’s remember that I was living in Hong Kong and not using any products. I was a frizzy, fluffy mess until I was about 16. Look at that strong middle-part, those awful layers and that puffball at my forehead! Oh honey child, don’t worry, it’s going to get better one day.

Now we get to the awesome. This is from the last photoshoot I did for Fringes Salon back in Omaha. As much as I hate how fat my face looks (honestly, why do girls with squarish faces always think they look fat? Rationally I know that it’s just angular and wider than a long face would be). If I had the skill I would do this with my hair every single morning. I love the colour and the curls are just perfect. I sort of wish I had my fringe in that shot but it wouldn’t have worked with the theme of the shoot.

I’m not actually sure why I like this one so much, but I think the waves are actually behaving and it’s so beautifully shiny. Again, if I could only get it to do this every single day!